In a holding pattern

Yes, life feels 'on hold' as I nervously await the results of Tuesday's lab exam.  I don't think I've ever been so nervous before an exam before. 

I arrived at the exam location 15 minutes early, in case they were running early with the testing.  They weren't.  They were running late.  So I had to sit there for 45 minutes, until my turn was called.  In those 45 minutes, I took in everyone's angst, stress, worries, hearing parts of procedures I'd never heard about before, and people insisting their instructors had told them that was part of the procedure, people saying they were about to throw up from nerves, etc. etc.  It was nuts.  Yet, I had to choice but to stay there and wait my turn.

All that nervous energy was absorbed into my body, and added to the nerves I already had going in for my test.  It was simply awful.  I couldn't focus on reading the doctor's order, I couldn't think clearly, I couldn't get myself started doing the procedure.  I did pull myself together, and once I started talking, it got better.  I also was able to backtrack verbally, and identify a few aspects that I missed during my awful start to the test.  Luckily, that backtracking was allowed, and I believe it earned me more points.

The question remains, did I get enough points to pass.  It certainly wasn't elegant, but I think I may have covered all the key bases in the end.  I hope.  I so hope. 

If not, there will be a re-test lab exam next week -- one more shot -- otherwise we're out of the pediatric clinical rotation.  I can't even let my mind go there...it never, ever crossed my mind that I would not complete this nursing program, when I was deciding to leave my first career.

So for today, I obsessively check my school email account.  If there is no email, that is good news.  If there is one, that means I didn't pass the lab exam, and instructions will be sent to when/where the re-test will take place.

I have never so hoped to NOT see an email in my inbox before!!!

Just trying to breathe and concentrate on the dozen other things I need to do for nursing school right now.  My first mid-term exam in pediatrics in on Monday, and that in itself is overwhelming in how much material we need to prepare. 

So hoping NOT to see an email from my prof today.....