Friday, September 20, 2013

Tired, sick, scared and (almost) overwhelmed

Yes, that sums up my state right now. 

My 'groove' that I was starting to get back into a few days ago, described in my last post, has vanished (again).

I just cannot seem to shake this stupid head/chest cold.  Two of my kids also have it, and I think their virus is a bit different than the one that floored me last I'm probably fighting off that one too. 

I have a foggy head and almost no energy, and the work continues to pile up around me and deadlines are fast approaching.  Yesterday, I spent almost the entire workday on a pre-prep assignment for my next clinical shift, which is Saturday.  Without a head cold, it probably would have taken me a couple hours to complete.  With foggy-brain, it took about six hours to do.  So frustrating!!!

And speaking of my second pediatrics shift tomorrow...I was so looking forward to it, until I heard the experiences of a different group of students who had their second clinical shift last weekend.  O.M.G.  It was an awful experience as they described it, with the nurses they were assigned to treating them in ways that'd I'd only read about up to now.  And the kicker is, they were on the same unit I'm assigned to, for the coming weekend.  So now I'm scared and worried about what the weekend holds, instead of eagerly anticipating it.

I realize full well there's all kinds of colleagues and people in the world, and one needs to learn how to work alongside all types of people.  I'm not naïve.  I've been in the workforce already for over a decade.  I get it.  But when you're placed in such a vulnerable position of having to do medical procedures for the first time on real people -- not just people, but TINY babies -- its scary.  And the population you're working with and on is also vulnerable -- babies and scared/tired parents.  Of all the workplace situations, that is NOT the place to have a toxic work experience. 

If I ever get through this program, I will do my best to mentor and teach students assigned to me on my shift. 

Big 'if', right now.  If I could just shake this virus finally, and get my energy back, my outlook and work capacity would be so much better.  This is only week three....

I've got to somehow get it together, and plow through all the work that is facing me.

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