Friday, October 17, 2014

Dream Big

I just found the post below in my "drafts" folder. I just vaguely remember writing it. All I can say is we are now half way through our cardiac surgery rotation, and I am thriving. I have learned so much about something as fascinating as the heart. It is simply incredible.

I think it is great to have big dreams and goals that scare us a bit.


I admit, my upcoming 4 month cardiac surgery/CCU rotation scares me.

I asked to be placed there, knowing it would be very tough and that I would learn tons.

And I got the placement I requested. Now I'm a bit scared.

I guess I'm dreaming big enough.

(Image below posted from this amazingly-inspirational site:

Never Been This Busy Before

Half the semester is now done, and mercifully we are having a week off classes this week. That is NOT to say that we can actually kick back and relax and recover some stamina. No, there was a paper to write, a quiz to take, a big med calculation test to prepare for when we return to class next week, and another quiz we have to take on Monday, that we need to achieve 100% on (no pressure). So yeah, it was our week "off'.

At least it was a week off classes. I have absolutely the worst schedule this semester, of all my semesters of nursing school. Every term, I've had at least a half day a week, or a bit more, during the week day, that I had free. That was "my" time -- to study, to get groceries, to clean the house a bit, etc.

But this semester, I got placed in lab slots that are the earliest possible start times. Couple that with my clinical rotation having only day shifts, meaning 5 am wake ups for me for every single shift. Every other rotation we've had there has been an more/less equal number of day and evening shifts (I adore evening shifts, being a night owl!!!)

So what that means, practically, is that my schedule has me waking up between 5-6 am every single day of the week, my days are completely full, and that leaves my only study time between 6 pm and 10 pm, but that also coincides with kids' homework, activities and making/eating dinner. Then I simply cannot study after the kids are in bed into the wee hours of the night (like I would love to), because I need to get up so freaking early every single morning.

Had I been assigned at least one lab session a week that started later, like many of my classmates have, that would have been a huge blessing. But, its not meant to be this term. And it is almost killing me. Combine this crazy schedule with a virus-infected student since the second week of school, and it makes the whole experience almost unbearable. The one think keeping me going right now is that the end is in sight, and I absolutely cannot fathom even the thought of delaying graduating in April 2015 and doing yet another year of school. I am tired and I feel old...and I don't like feeling either feeling.

Yep, for someone who truly loves school as much as I do, this is really saying something significant.

But on the bright side, as I look to try to look at, this semester is half finished, my paper is written, although it still needs editing, and I have slept so much this week I'm almost worried that I'm sleeping so much.

20 more weeks of school. 26 more weeks total.

I can do this.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Change vs. Regret

Yes, this is very true. I didn't want to be nearing retirement age from my first career and always wondering what I could have done as a registered nurse, and regretting I didn't even try.

Mind you, the past few weeks of exhaustion and illness have also raised the thought of regretting leaving my first career, with no 4:45 am wake up times and no heavy lifting...but those thoughts were fleeing when I thought about the overall reality then vs the overall reality now. The career change regret thoughts involved mainly missing my paycheque and not having to wake up at crazy early hours.

The present reality is so much better is more ways that I can adequately explain. The present reality will be made even better, though, in six months, when I actually get paid for the work I do. It will be very nice to have a paycheque again.  Lol.


Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Still Alive...but barely...

I can honestly say that the past few weeks have been among the toughest of my academic life (and this is not my first degree, there's been a few of those already).

There is a plague going around our nursing class. Our first exam last week seemed to have its own soundtrack -- coughing and sniffing. I haven't been this sick in years, and not be able to take any time off to recover.

Even today, after feeling exponentially better in the past few days, I still come home and need to lie down and sleep for a bit, before I can continue with my evening.

And my last complaint (for now), is that this semester is extremely morning-heavy. I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. However, I can certainly get up and do morning stuff. But the fact that the days are all completely busy are killing me. In the past years, I would have at least a half day or two, to myself, to study and get work done. My only free time this term is in the evenings, and that time is not at all free as I am a mom to three busy kids. So I try to study with lots of chaos in the house, and I cannot even stay up later to study, as I have to get up way too early every morning.  It is very unfortunate that I didn't get assigned to lab times later in the day. That would have made a world of difference to this student mom.  It is seriously awful this semester, and I am feeling at the end of my rope, with fatigue and stress.

Thank God this is the last year of this. That is my only motivation right now to keep at it. I cannot imagine another year of this -- I must finish now. Six more months. 28 more weeks, and of those 21 are school weeks (yes, I'm counting.) I simply cannot wait to graduate in April, and leave the school craziness behind me (at least for a few years, if that NP goal is to be realized...).

Enough of a vent. Must get back to my studies and I still have a quiz to do.  Oh, and then I get to wake up for the next two days at 4:45. I can hardly wait.

I have so much more to write. Hopefully things will settle down soon and I'll start getting my energy back and feeling more human again. I can but hope.