Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Complete state of flux

I've posted it before (too often, perhaps), about how difficult and frustrating being in a state of transition is.  One part of me is so keen to just get on with this career change and hit the books, while the other part wants time to come to a screeching halt, as school is starting too soon (just over 9 weeks from now).

In the meantime, work continues on as always.  No paperwork has started yet for my leaving, honestly I don't even know yet what the procedure is.  I've been told I'll likely get my leave approved, that various people and committees have discussed it, and they all think it is OK.  I just don't have any closure on that front yet, so that's why I haven't started any formal proceedings with HR yet...because there is a big difference between paperwork for a leave of absence, and leaving permanently.

I'm also in total confusion about working part time.  I've decided that teaching music is the way to go, and I'm pondering the pros/cons of going to work at a music school, or setting up a private music studio.  Also, the fact that I've been out of school for a number of years has to be factored in.  I think I've somewhat forgotten the realities of studying.  My schedule may look empty enough on paper, compared to a full-time work week, but studying has to be included.  Will I have time to even teach music???  I also have a 'mommy' and a 'wife' role to play, on top of everything else....and one of the main reasons I'm leaving my current job is so that we have a semblance of work/life balance.  Am I taking on too much (theoretically)!?!?

However, all this is still thinking, and nothing is yet actual. 

Get my drift, about why I'm feeling that everything is in a state of transition, yet everything is still exactly the way it's been for a long time???

A small part of me just wants this whole issue to go away, and simply stay on the known track.  This won't happen, but it would just be so easy.

Another thing that would be so simple, is to forget nursing school, and set up my music studio and teach music full-time.  I already have a second career ready to go -- it is there for the taking.  I used to do it.  Again, so, so simple on so many levels.

Yet, I just cannot shake off this crazy medical "thing".  I use the word "thing" as I cannot quite describe it -- perhaps "vocation" is the most appropriate word.  I know I will be so disappointed and let down and frustrated if I don't take this nursing school opportunity.  Teaching music would be easy, rewarding (at times!) and fun.  But in the long term, it isn't my 'passion', like the medical 'thing'. 

Don't get me wrong -- music is a huge part of my life -- and I am very much looking forward to teaching children again.  I will definitely teach again.  It is just that it doesn't pull me in like medicine does.  I guess as far as careers go, music is a love, a definite part of my life since forever, but not truly my vocation, not a "need".

I guess I'm just looking to finally have some clarity and some decisions made.  To finally have something on paper and out of my head.

Yep, some clarity would be great and very appreciated about now.  Hopefully it will come sooner than later. :-)

Happy Canada Day !!!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment